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[Assignment, ILSS2]

Elevators. If there is something I hate with a vengeance, it is elevators on the Viennese underground system. I find myself getting deeper and deeper into a relationship of the “can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em”-sort. And the more I find myself living at the mercy of public elevators, the more I hold them in contempt.

First of all, they are never around when I need them. They usually hide in some remote corner of the station, next to some obscure exit that leads straight into the wilderness. There are hardly any elevators that will actually transport passengers to useful and/or central destinations. If you use an elevator, you are bound to end up in the middle of nowhere, needing a map to find your way back into charted territory. This is not my idea of fun when pushing a pram while getting entangled with a baby sling and carrying a week’s worth of groceries. Whenever I do encounter a geographically reasonable elevator it is out of order.

The situation gets worse when there are fellow passengers who decide to use the elevator as well. Why anyone would do this voluntarily remains a mystery! I’m not talking about the elderly/infirm/pregnant. I’m talking about young and seemingly healthy people who could just as easily mount the escalators or use the ruddy stairs. (I certainly would if it wasn’t for the pram, the baby sling and the groceries…)

There is always a bunch of inconsiderate wazzocks, queue-jumping rascals, who push themselves forward, filling up the elevator, leaving me to wait for the next one (or even the one after the next one).

To sum it all up: Using public elevators means searching for them in far-off corners, waiting for them until the cows come home, squeezing in with sweaty people, listening to racist remarks (whenever their happens to be a women with an Islamic headscarf among the fellow “elevatorists”) and finally, being stranded right next to proverbial Gramatneusiedl.

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